


unknown

by ggukxzo



Category: ENHYPEN (Band), I-LAND (Korea TV)
Genre: Angst, Exes, Hook-Up, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, New Beginnings, Weddings, jay needs a hug, jungwon and jay are best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:34:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26748145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ggukxzo/pseuds/ggukxzo
Summary: Jay never thought an innocent hook-up would change his whole life.
Relationships: Park Jongseong | Jay/Park Sunghoon
Comments: 21
Kudos: 81





	unknown

**Author's Note:**

> so this one's a little angsty for a change...
> 
> for any mistakes, i'm sorry, i have yet to check them! 
> 
> per usual [my twitter](https://twitter.com/gguktho)  
> <3
> 
> get to know me through [my carrd](https://gguktho.carrd.co/)  
> <3 ꨄ

It is when the wedding bells can be heard, he emerges from the church with a beautiful smile plastered to his flawless figure, his spotless and glowing face looking down at every guest, and yet, even then, there is still the innocent kindness within him. 

Jay wants to turn around and leave the scene, his heart beating too fast and his mind like a blank canvas, but he can’t. Not yet. Not until he sees them kiss, perhaps then he can walk away and drown in his sorrows. 

His mother is crying, happy tears staining his father’s suit, they both are clutching to one another and whisper words he isn’t able to catch. But what can a proud mother and the father say to each other when their son is the one who’s getting married? They seem happy, they must be, such an occasion. 

Jay was once sure he’d be the one to stand beside them, to smile at them and with them, with him by his side, and yet, here he is, a mere observer of the situation. It hurts greatly, something within him breaks every time there’s a giggle or a peal of laughter in the background, he just knows it’s her when it was supposed to be _him._

The ceremony was, for the lack of a better word, an elegant one. People all dolled up, many guests whom he’s never even seen before, little girls running around in white dresses, similar to the one the Bride had, and boys trying to catch them, acquire more flowers from their colorful baskets full of roses, lilies, and sunflowers. The Priest was a friend of Jay’s family, which shouldn’t bother him that much, but it did. It felt as if he’d been, yet again, tricked and betrayed. It was his father’s best friend, the man who always joined them during Christmas and always brought presents for the Park’s family. Jay wanted to talk him out of it, he truly planned on doing so, but his best friend Jungwon had stopped him. 

_“What do you think you’re doing?” Jungwon hissed, trying to knock some sense into Jay. “You can’t possibly ruin his wedding!”_

_“But-“_

_“No buts, brother. I’m sorry, I truly am, because no one deserves a broken heart.” His gaze was full of pity and it hurt, even more, the fact that he knows he’s weak and broken just like his poor heart. That he didn’t protect it properly and now must pay the price for it._

_“How can I ever move on, Jungwon? How, because every time I think I have it under control I see him and it all comes back. I-“ He was full on sobbing on his friend’s shoulder, the comforter underneath his head too cold so he moved to lay on his side._

_Jungwon was always like this, ready to help him, to give him his time, didn’t matter if he was tired or not. Now, his friend was in despair and Jungwon did not hesitate. He picked up the call, sensed the situation, and after a few minutes have passed he was already on Jay’s property, ready to hug him and assure him it’s going to be okay._

_“Maybe rest for a bit, yeah? Just close your eyes and I’ll be there when you wake up... just sleep, it will help.” Jungwon whispered into the crown of Jay’s head, removing the blond bangs from his forehead._

_“You promise?” Jay asked, sounding delicate and fragile._

_“I promise, brother.” And he had kept that promise._

And now it didn’t even matter, because even if he were petty and bold enough to bribe the priest, they would always find another one, there were many priests out there. 

—-

_The smell of the coffee was overwhelming. He hated coffee with a passion, and now his whole apartment reeks of it._

_After checking the hour on the digital clock standing on his bedside cabinet he growled into the pillow, head pounding, and this awful smell everywhere. He remembers that last night he specifically asked his guest not to boss around as he told him he’s not a morning person and that he will likely wake up before him. And now, he just knew better than to trust a hookup._

_Jay looks around, still in a quite hectic state, for his briefs, finds them on the floor, then he quickly pulls on the pants, and heads straight for the kitchen. There, rooming through the cupboards finds the very handsome, tall brunette. He coughs to gain his attention, and it works._

_“Oh, good morning,” the man says, fishing for the cutlery. “Want a pancake?” He smiles softly at Jay, two plates laid out on the countertop, fresh coffee in the purple mugs, and fancy looking, fluffy pancakes decorated with strawberries and honey on top. It doesn’t look like the typical morning after hooking up with a stranger from a bar, but Jay can’t exactly say he complains, though he’s never encountered anyone who stayed past seven a.m._

_He must have looked more than just starstruck with the current situation because the man put the forks down and his demeanor changed drastically, from the confident and cheerful to a worried and anxious one._

_"Oh god, I overstepped, right?" He asked, biting on his lower lip._

_Jay did not know what to stay, honestly. He was never good at maintaining conversations, never really one to even start one, and now he was facing this new circumstance, a half-naked, gorgeous stranger who had made fucking pancakes for him when he was still sleeping after having a blast the previous night. He was a bit tipsy but coherent enough to know what he was getting himself into, remembered well how the body of the man whose name he could not recall felt pressed against his own, how he sounded like when Jay made him come twice in between his velvet sheets. Oh, right, he zoned out, again._

_"No, no, it's not that," he stuttered awkwardly, trying to not appear apprehensive in front of the man. "I just hate coffee, makes me want to puke." He blurted out._

_"Oh! If I knew I would make you tea or give you sparkling water or-"_

_He was rumbling as well, cheeks flushed. Jay thought he was quite cute, wondered how exactly they met, who approached who first. "Here, take this." He pushed one of the mugs in Jay's direction, its hot surface burning the tips of his fingers but the pleasant smell covering up for the slight discomfort. "It's hot chocolate, I hope you don't mind because I kind of had to look through your stash to find something other than coffee, obviously, and tea." He was a bit awkward, even for Jay's standards, but it made him tolerate, or, like the stranger more, at least enough not to kick him out of the door the second he offered the breakfast._

_Jay nodded, thanked for the drink, and sat down on one of the barstools Jungwon presented him a few years back. He said they fitted the vibe of his apartment, and frankly, Jay did not have any objections since he was not a fan of organizing spaces. Every piece of furniture in this place screamed glam! and black and white definitely dominated the scene, all planned out and designed by his younger friend._

_They sat in silence, munching on the food, but it seemed like the stranger wanted to ask Jay something. He certainly did not come across as a silent person and Jay, for some reason, took mercy on him. "So, I'm sorry but I kind of don't remember your name." He said flatly, gaze focused on the half consumed pancake in front of him._

_"Sunghoon," the man said in an instant as if he were expecting the question to pop up at some point. "Yours?"_

_"Jay." He answered though he was more than sure the man already knew it. "Had a good night?" He shamelessly added the question to the equation for a good measure, feeling a little more confident than moments ago. Perhaps because he wanted to fill the silence, or perhaps because he wanted to see Sunghoon all bashful again._

_But, although Sunghoon looked as if he were caught off guard, he soon smirked, looking Jay straight into the hazel eyes of his. "Not good, more like great. I gotta say, you're game's strong, though you're whimpering a bit too much when you're being touched." He said as if it were the most obvious thing to state. "And next time, I will be the one to ruin you."_

_"What makes you think there will be a next time?" Jay cocked a brow, suddenly up for the challenge._

_"Because you will never be able to get over me."_

___

And he was right.

That night changed him because Jay fell in love and he fell hard, but Sunghoon was never able to reciprocate the feeling fully. He wasn't fully out of the closet, though he was not hiding. His family was supportive, but it was _h_ e who did not feel comfortable while parading around with a boy's hand clasped in between his own. And Jay was patient because he loved him. He never, not even once, called him out on that or pressured him into anything he did not want. They went out on dates, but Jay could not kiss him silly underneath the streetlights, could not snuggle into him when they were out to watch a movie in the nearby cinema. 

It was sort of like being a shadow, he was seen but at the same time, he lived hidden. 

And then, Sunghoon met Jiwoo. Jiwoo, Jungwon's sister. 

Jiwoo was wonderful, pretty, and smart, with her studies finished in the US, passing with flying colors, one of the best scores in the history of the school. She got a well-paid job after returning to Seoul, and now worked in finances in the biggest law firm in the district. She was tall, slim, and simply matched Sunghoon's aesthetics. And, she was a woman. It was not Jungwon's fault when the two of them met, Jay was working long hours that day and told his friend to pick his boyfriend up from the airport, to which he complied immediately. That day Jungwon's sister was also in town, came to visit her little brother, and she had tagged along with him. 

They met, they clicked, and Jay was a silent observer of how the love of his life fell for another person. 

Sunghoon broke up with him six months later, saying he and Jiwoo had kissed way back and since then their relationship blossomed into something more than just a fling, that he had never intended on breaking Jay's heart, but it happened and that he would never be able to express how much he's sorry. Just like that, three years of being together were nothing, were wiped out, a distant memory. And Jay was weak for him, he always was. He could not bear the thought of him being in love with someone who was not him, even though he was aware Sunghoon had never said those significant three words to him. It was Jay who was committed, Jay who was in love, Jay who had cried for weeks, pressing his vulnerable body into the warm pillows and trying to forget the pain.

And Jungwon was there throughout that time, always by his side, comforting him and excusing his sister for breaking him. To be honest, Jay never blamed him for her actions, their feelings, but it left a bitter taste, a mark on his soul.

Even after they've announced the engagement, he prayed it's a joke.

What happened to them, when did it all go wrong and how Sunghoon could so easily forget the three years they've spent together? 

Now it did not matter, because here Jay was, outside of the small chapel, observing the bride and the groom from distance, with a heart threatening to burst out of his chest. 

Sunghoon had the fucking audacity to invite him to the wedding. 

And at first, Jay was adamant about not showing up, but then he thought it will be his last chance to see Sunghoon and that it will be his own, private, closure. He had decided a while ago about moving out of the city, out of the country, and returning to America where he grew up. It was charged with pain and the heartbreak but eventually has become simply all that he needed. A gate away and the opportunity to chase after a new begging.

The members of the family were surrounding them, Jiwoo beaming at them and accepting their congratulations, their flowers, their gifts, their words, while Sunghoon was standing by her side, hugging her from behind, his chin on her shoulder, eyes round and excitement within irises. What a beautiful way to remember his love. At least he could depart from him knowing he's happy.

Jay took one last glance at the scenery in front of him, and turned around on his heel, in the direction of the parking lot where his car was located. He was almost there, hand extended toward the door and the handle, when he felt a strong grasp around his wrist, so familiar, yet so distant.

He did not dare to look up, his body frozen on the spot, eyes glistening on their own. 

"Why are you leaving already? You did not even come to say hello." His voice was shaking, Jay was not mistaken, but it didn't make any difference.

"Congratulations on your wedding." He replied dryly, wanting nothing more but to put a distance between them. He unlocked the door with a key, ready to drive away from this mess, but Sunghoon was still there, his back pressed against the windows. 

"Jay, what are you doing? Come on, man, you were supposed to attend the party as well." This fucking brazenness of his. And he truly did sound troubled that Jay chose not to go as if he were expecting that of him all along. 'You can't just-"

"I have a flight in three hours." He finally faced him and his heart shattered to pieces for the ninth time that day. The worst part was that no one was there to pick them up for him and arrange them as if they were missing puzzles. 

"A flight?" Sunghoon took a step back. "Where are you going? Jungwon hadn't said anything."

"Because I asked him not to."

"When will you be back?" The _big_ question.

Jay took a deep breath in, knowing it will cause harm to both of them but it had been already decided and there was no going back. "I'm not going back, Sunghoon."

"What the fuck are you saying, what do you mean _you're not coming back?_ " Harsh but needed. A separation that Jay longed for.

"I'm moving back to New York and I asked Jungwon to keep it a secret. I'm really happy for both of you, but if you excuse me, I need to go now." He almost felt like a cinderella escaping the ball, though no prince would pick up his shoe and look for him because the prince was already taken, living his dream life. 

"You didn't tell me you're moving away... you..." Jay saw the teardrop on Sunghoon's cheek but he remained in place. He had cried too much because of him already, so this was nothing in comparison. Honestly, a selfish part of Jay hoped he's in pain. "Jay, you can't leave me, you..."

"I'm not the one who left you, Sunghoon. Please tell Jiwoo I said hi." 

He did not care for the theatrics anymore, just slipped inside of his car, and closed the door before Sunghwoon could stop him.

When he was reversing he caught a glimpse of Sunghoon in the review mirror. He just stood there, openly crying as if he was not the one who betrayed his trust and heart while falling for someone else. As if he deserved to cry after him at all. 

The goodbyes' were never easy for Jay, he grew too attached most of the time and did not know when to let go, but now, leaving the past behind, literally, he felt freer. Not because the information he provided caused Sunghoon to tear up, but because at least he had some decency to care for him, even in the very end. He knew it was not going to be easy, but Jungwon promised to book a flight to the US within the next few weeks and help him move in, accommodate in the new environment. His grandparents had a house on Long Island, but in the center of New York lived one of his oldest friends with whom he hadn't talked for a few good years, but reconnected due to his relocation. 

When he finally sat inside the airplane, in the designated spot, he got one last text before turning on the airplane mode and saying his final goodbye to the homeland that Korea has become to him.

_unknown_

_i'm sorry for everything_

_i love you, you know?_

He knew who wrote this text and he snickered, feeling outraged on the inside. So it only took for him to move to another continent to get the apology and hear the words he was always too scared to say out loud.

He quickly typed the reply.

_to: unknown_

_no, you don't._

He blocked the number and locked the phone, leaning his head on the headrest behind him. 

_To the new beggings._

**Author's Note:**

> ah, yup, sometimes reality hurts, right? :(
> 
> ps: the friend jay has in the US is heeseung!!! they're gonna live together there bc they were bff at one point of their lives <3 
> 
> thank you for reading! if you have any prompts you'd like to read, don't be shy, suggest them and i will happily write them down.
> 
> per usual [my twitter](https://twitter.com/gguktho)  
> <3
> 
> get to know me through [my carrd](https://gguktho.carrd.co/)  
> <3 ꨄ


End file.
